I have shared some of my journey over the last couple of years, and I still recognise that I still have a little way to go so that I’m back on my life purpose track..
Today i watched the most amazing documentary and it had so many a-ha moments, one point actually stopped me completely in my tracks.. what it was saying isn’t new to me as its been part of my yoga growth and teachings however I just needed the reminder at exactly that time..
Yes the formative years shape us, parts of us we express and parts we suppress and that our limiting beliefs come from our childhood..
I like easy explanations which was given in the form of a compass.. sometimes we deviate from our life purpose, something happens in our early years and the ego comes into play and wounds can bring about doubt, fear, anxieties and we put a mask on, that we don’t realise and it thinks it protects us.. it doesn’t have to be a major event but it could deter us.. as illustrated in the picture this was me, at the tender age of say my early 30s.
I started to see that my life wasn’t quite right, I was searching for external recognition, same patterns constantly arising. I was in a cycle of doubt in a relationship and holding onto something that wasn’t working for too long.. the fear of being a single parent scared me.. a trauma response from my childhood, the partying and functioning on hangovers was wearing thin and I was in a job that was just chugging along a bit like ground hog day on repeat.. each time I would say to myself ‘life has to be better’ but each time I would try to make the step to change then my teenage wounds would come out to say ‘hello, remember Lindsay you’re not good enough, or worthy of true happiness keep searching to be liked’ and it was like a big thumb was holding me down..
To cut a long story short which I’m sure I’ll be sharing with you soon, I kept touching the emergency break and each time I could feel the veil starting to lift. It felt like i was making that ‘left turn’ welcoming changes in my life that would see me ultimately back on track.. slowly and surely my life felt more in alignment, i was in a new relationship, I had my beautiful boys that I adore, a fab job, and life became easier and more enjoyable. Yes there was still obstacles and big waves I had to ride but I now see it is part of my growth and led me to yoga and meditation..
Then came work on the mind and untangling all the garbage buried deep within, an understanding of life, relationships, and the heavy shit and burden I’ve let take over my life, suppressing me from living my true potential because I didn’t think I was good enough..
At this point i was nearing my 40s and yoga and meditation opened up my world. I was no longer tunnel visioned in proving to myself and others I am a good person and I am worthy of a good life, I started to believe it..
Meditation was preparing me to understand and receive higher communion with my spiritual being. There are lots of things that can take you there, and one is the specific ancient science and wisdom of kundalini yoga!
Although parts of waking up is getting deep and dirty with the crap we have held onto, the kind of work that unearths the deepest and darkest parts of us. Waking up has its nice advantages within meditation where we are open to experience auras, the law of attraction, feeling energy and connection to our healing abilities..
More so, waking up is about realising totally who/what we are and who/what we are NOT. It is not about wealth or relationships etc, although they do reflect the belief systems and mirror our internal world. Ultimately though awakening is about dropping the ideas of ‘I know’ and realising beyond that.. then tapping into the vast field of infinite consciousness from which we are never separate. Realising that we are not the doer and chasing ideals, bigger, better, more. It is all one and the same:
- Higher Consciousness
- The Divine
I notice that while I hold any belief ultimately, my ego is at play, and I am in my own limited prison and cannot, in that way, behold the expanded nature of what I truly am.
‘the mind is beyond time and space. It is part of the Universal Mind. It is given to you as an instrument to serve you. What happened? It became your master and you became the servant. The mind becomes a monster when it becomes your master. The mind is an angel when it becomes your servant’. ~ YB
Thank you so much for reading and I hope that some of it can help in your journey too..