(21 days) maybe you can relate to some of it too.. ❤
**Long post alert**
Day 1-7: anxious/ excitement to be at home is the first feeling I recognised, maybe going into the unknown and not having to do the daily grinds of school run, work, and being busy busy spinning plates. Quality time with the hubby and kids and time at home, this is what I dreamed of, and questioning if my wishes had been answered, even manifested.. reality quickly set in though that to work and look after kids and house simultaneously doesn’t work, ha.. so recognised balance was very much needed.. stress overwhelmed me at this point, waves that I couldn’t do it and settling to watching more of the news and social media and being dragged into the abyss of upset and negativity..
Day 8-14 : Feelings like I’m being stripped bare.. unable to see family and friends, students and colleagues.
All my vulnerabilities floating in, the feelings and emotions I’ve fought so hard to let go of rushing back..
Seems weird but I have less time to get my practice in and have that me time.. you see posts on social media about learning a new skill and to enjoy the down time, ehhh I thought, what down time..
Truth is I feel good around people and supporting others.. and I then recognised that I have been looking on the outside for acceptance, love, recognition to mask what I have been hiding for so long.. my own vulnerability.. and although I’ve worked hard on this I need to now dig even deeper, deeper within to accept me, myself and all the mixed up trauma/ stresses I have.. and to finally honour the soul I am and what has brought me to the here and NOW..
Day 15-21: Yes I am a mam and wife and I’ve noticed that, for a while I’ve missed my connection to them and my path is to teach and help others too something that is a lot more difficult to do in isolation. However, I’m feeling good, I’m starting to see a balance emerge.. my boys are settling into quarantine life or should I say more family time.. we are accepting of each other’s space and togetherness.. yes we might be blocking James car on the drive so he can’t go on his drives and he is now okay with it, dylan knows he can’t be on the xbox 24/7 and harry has playtime and structure (which he totally needs) and we have our family walk which, even after this is over, we are going to carry on doing..
The walk is a daily routine which we’ve done since day 1 where we take ourselves away from thoughts and the grinds of life in 4 walls and into nature.. the best time, where we notice the trees blossoming, the bees and butterflies doing their daily duties, the swans and ducks in the nature reserve pond oblivious to what is happening to us humans, the change of season and the beautiful weather when warm or cold, sitting on a log and telling stories, and yes there was a story called poo land..
For all of my wobbles and wishing it was 8 pm to finally switch off and settle on the settee to watch Outlander, I’m emerging to be a better person.. not expecting anything from others and wanting to share love to my family, the men/ boys in my household, connection to family and friends and a bit of light to anyone else who is going on a deep journey within..
I am able to share yoga and meditation online and have the bestest community who are uplifting each other in the most magical way..
I am/ we are blessed to have this reflection time.. deep breaths help and recognition of gratitude of what we have are the greatest of tools. Satnam